CHAPTER 9 - SHEEP OR WOLF?
Well as you recall, when I was having all those awesome miracles in Phoenix, at the Assembly of God Church; I was also battling the Jezebel spirit. It is a very controlling, manipulating, dominating and intimidating spirit. God taught me a lot about her when I asked Him, "what was that, is that you?" And I remember telling one of the leaders there that I did not have fear until I came here. There was a womens' group meeting for prayer, we were all sitting around in a circle and as the ladies needed prayer, they would gather around them and pray. They would pray about the devil and what it was doing to the person and how miserable it made the person and how it has them bound and how long it has been doing it. Ugh!! And then I would pray like this, "Thank you Father God that you are bigger than all those problems, and you are in control. And I thank you that you have made us victorious in Jesus name." And they all looked up at me with their mouths open, as if I were saying something bad. And then they started saying things like "well some people don't believe there is a devil." And I'm thinking, of course I do. But I want to win. And I want to magnify God, and make Him bigger than my problem. Not make the devil big! And give him all this credit for doing all these dirty deeds. He doesn't care how you talk about him as long as your focus and attention is not on God! And we only win and overcome by staying focused on God and His marvelous works and love and mercy and grace. Revelation 12:11 - And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.
I have been supernaturally delivered several times. And I am convinced that we do not have to know the deep things of satan in order to be delivered. We need to have a repentant heart and willingness to change. I said "God I don't want to pass on any generational curses to my daughter, and God orchestrated the whole thing to put me in the right place at the right time, with the right people." He did teach me in the beginning that as Christians we can be oppressed by demons. So I knew there was a devil and I knew what to do when I encounter one. In the name of Jesus, get out! And my focus was always on God, and WHAT GOD WAS DOING! Not what satan was doing.
Many times since I've been following the Holy Spirit, I have encountered the spirit of Jezebel.
Once again, as I am having so many wonderful miraculous things happen to us; the spiritual warfare is also going on. I thought I had encountered big devils in Phoenix, but these are bearing down on me even more in Ohio. Remember Daisy from chapter 7? She was the woman that helped me when I first got to Columbus. She was also the one who came knocking on my door when I got the eviction sticker on my door wanting her twin mattress and bowls back. And she was not nice about it at all. She had that same spirit of Jezebel that I encountered in the Phoenix church. And she was also a lay pastor. That spirit loves to get real close to the leadership to have more control. So she made a big scene trying to make me look bad because she thought I was going to get evicted. Then God showed up and showed off in my life. And instead of her apologizing to me, she now has gotten very vengeful towards me. She has four children, all girls. One evening at a church function, Amanda and I walk into the church room filled with people and her oldest daughter points at us and starts crying. She is pointing and crying while talking to one of the ladies. Her daughters would constantly do things trying to provoke us. And then one day, I was going to my car right outside my apartment and Daisy comes up to me screaming and bumping into me with her chest. She was screaming, "you witch" and lots of other bad language. Her friends and some teenage boys were near by watching. I did not even know those teen boys and they started yelling at me too! I stood my ground and looked her in the eye as she is bumping me trying to get me to hit her; I said "I am not going to hit you, I am just going to love you." And her mouth fell open in surprise, and she backed off. So I go in my apartment and a few minutes later the police are knocking on my door. They could not tell me exactly why they were at my door, just that someone called them on me. All I could say was that she was just trying to make a big scene, trying to ACCUSE me of something, anything. I couldn't even think of why she would be calling me a witch, except that God was using me to expose those devils she was harboring. John 10:20 And many of them said, He (Jesus) has a devil and is mad why do you listen to him? The religious Pharisees were always trying to accuse Jesus and set traps for him. Why are we so quick to believe another persons accusations against someone else. I pray for our eyes to be open to all these tricks and schemes of the devil. The wolf in sheeps clothes can be sitting right next to you in church. A sure way to find a wolf, is get wounded. All the wolfs start showing up, even people you would have never imagined. They smell blood, and have come to finish you off! I LOVE THE CHURCH. I'm not talking about the church, I'm talking about the enemy of the church who can be an imposter, a wolf who comes in seeking someone to devour. We still need to go to church. God wants us to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. You are still safest in church.
I am also reminded of Mark 5. This particular chapter comes to my mind often because I have had instances when a person will come up to me and just start manifesting evil behavior. I took an exercise class at the gym and this instructor just did not like me from the moment I walked in. She ended up acting out very badly towards me in front of the whole class. She was having conversation with lots of people in the room while we were all exercising. And she yells at me to put down the weights in my hand, of which we all had; so I did. And several minutes later she still has not told me I could pick them back up or even why she yelled at me like that. I thought okay maybe I was red in the face and she thought I was going to pass out. So as I am still keeping up with them with no problem, I ask her can I pick them up now. And no answer, she wont even look at me. So I wait a while again. By this time, I am sensing a spiritual battle going on. As we are bending over in a position that she can very plainly see my face, if she would look at me, I said "excuse me, is there a reason why you can talk to all of them but you wont answer my question?" And she yells at me (causing a big scene, sound familiar?) and says "see me after class!" Oh my goodness, her class went on and on and on! Two and a half hours of high impact aerobics. I was exhausted, but I knew that I was going to stay and see her after class.
So as she was saying bye to last few people, I walked up and said "hi, I'm Laurie. What's your name?" And she yelled again, "I don't have to tell you nothing!" I said well you work here, I believe I am entitled to know your name." She then yelled again, "I don't have to tell you nothing." And I said "well you asked me to see you after class, was I doing something wrong?" And again, "I don't have to tell you nothing"! And she starts to walk away from me, and I walk with her and still trying to find out why she treated me so badly, I say "well I just wanted to find out what I did wrong so I don't do it again." And she then gets very violent and screams at me "you better get out of my space, I'm warning you!" I thought she was going to hit me. Then as I go to my car, its late and dark outside, and she is standing out in the parking lot still going off about me to a few other women. I cried when I got home, I felt so violated and attacked. It really caught me off guard. And no, I wasn't perfect either; I called her some names in my house that evening that I had to repent of. So a week goes by, and every day I thought about her and prayed for her to be saved and delivered from those evil spirits that are controlling her. About a week later, I was in a weight room right across the hall from her class that was just about to start, when I start talking to a woman and her mom I just met. She was telling me how she just had cancer; so I said "why don't we pray about that" and we held hands and prayed for her. And then spontaneously I went across the hall to her class, full of the same people that saw her act out at me. I walked up to the front of the class slowly, while everyone was watching, and that instructors lip was quivering like a mad dog as I walked up. I got just a few inches away from her face and said "about the other day", and I waited until she looked at me. I said, "I forgive you." And I walked slowly out of the classroom. I prayed for her almost everyday afterwards for at least a couple months. I wonder if anyone has ever prayed for her? God wants to use us. If we get so offended so easily and always think its about us, He can't use us to intercede and stand in the gap for others. So looking back, I think of Mark chapter 5. When the demon possessed man runs up to Jesus after he gets out of the boat and just starts manifesting evil behavior. The man wanted to be saved, but the demons knew who Jesus was and asked Him not to cast them out. They immediately started to manifest in the presence of Jesus. The light exposes the darkness! No longer can hide!
Thank you Father God for setting us free! You are the light of the world and I want to join you in your work as you cleanse and purify me first. I submit to you now my mind, my body, my soul and my spirit and I invite you to come in, and CLEAN THIS HOUSE for your Holy Spirit to dwell. And then I ask you to show me where you are working so I can join you in your work of setting the captives free! God is at work to set us free! Shining His light to expose all unclean spirits. Do not keep resisting God. It is not the devil exposing your demons, it is God! Repent and let the light, Gods mercy and love set you free! And like a mother loves you enough to tell you the truth, I will tell you the truth. Because it is only the truth that will set you free.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Saturday, February 13, 2016
CHAPTER 8 - HOLDING BACK
CHAPTER 8 - HOLDING BACK
I just remembered that when we had first got to Columbus Ohio, I had made a friend named Christie, and she gave me a ride to a thrift store to buy a few things. And on the counter as we were checking out, was a small town news letter. So I took one and while driving away, I read a scripture that was on it, and it was Acts 5:1-5. It is about how Ananias and Sapphira sold a possession and instead of bringing all the money they got for it to the Apostle, they kept some of the money and lied and said they gave it all. And when I read that, my spirit jumped within me and I told my friend "that is what God is doing! That is what He is doing!" And the next time we went to church, there was a guest speaker that night. And his message was on how we have not given God our best. That we are holding back the best. And he gave the same scripture that was on that newsletter! People were flooding to the altar and bringing all kinds of things and leaving them at the altar. They were even going home and getting stereos, shoes, jackets, and lots of big things; the altar was overflowing with offerings and sacrifices of people giving their best! This is a big 5000 seat church with a big long altar, and it was full! And then God reminded me; I did not give my best. I still kept out of all the things I got rid of, a large bag of jewelry. It was the size of a man shaving bag and heavy, filled with lots of real diamonds, gem stones, silver and gold. I didn't have a car at this time, so the next day, I brought it to the church and gave God my best things that I was holding back. I was also surprised to see lots of other people coming back the next day, still bringing God their best!
Wow, that was an absolutely awesome experience to see all those people hearing God at the same time! If He told me what He was going to do, He was also telling them. That is why no one hesitated to give their best, God was already speaking to them even before they got there.
So I'm sitting here thinking even about when he called me and said "repent". I thought I was already good, when I wasn't. And then I even thought that I had given up everything to follow Him, and I hadn't. Just goes to show how our minds can deceive us. We need to stay constantly in that intimate relationship with Him to lead us and teach us. Proverbs 3:6 - In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.
We were starting to thrive and enjoy Columbus, Ohio. I wasn't able to continue bible college due to finances, so I got a full time job as an Apartment Community Manager. God gave us a car for only $200, it burned oil pretty badly but it got us around. Mandy was still going to 1st grade at World Harvest Church and doing well. We even had a picnic at the park with her teacher, so fun.
Another awesome thing that happened when we first got to Columbus was Amanda saw an angel. I had memorized Psalm 91 when we lived in Phoenix because we had so many supernatural things going on. And I was in the habit of saying it every night before bed. But this particular night in Columbus Ohio, we were both sleeping on a borrowed twin mattress on the floor. I forgot to say Psalm 91 over us that night and Amanda woke up in the middle of the night crying and scared. I was so tired, so I just told her its okay honey go back to sleep. And she kept crying, still scared. And then as we were laying there facing each other, she looks past me and behind me and says "I see an angel, I see an angel and she said DO NOT BE AFRAID." And she went right back to sleep. The next day we are sitting in church and the Pastor is preaching on Mary, when the ANGEL GABRIEL SHOWED UP AND TOLD HER "DO NOT BE AFRAID." Amanda and I looked at each other with our mouths wide open in amazement! And then after that happened she would occasionally tell me that she sees a light following her! Praise God!
I just remembered that when we had first got to Columbus Ohio, I had made a friend named Christie, and she gave me a ride to a thrift store to buy a few things. And on the counter as we were checking out, was a small town news letter. So I took one and while driving away, I read a scripture that was on it, and it was Acts 5:1-5. It is about how Ananias and Sapphira sold a possession and instead of bringing all the money they got for it to the Apostle, they kept some of the money and lied and said they gave it all. And when I read that, my spirit jumped within me and I told my friend "that is what God is doing! That is what He is doing!" And the next time we went to church, there was a guest speaker that night. And his message was on how we have not given God our best. That we are holding back the best. And he gave the same scripture that was on that newsletter! People were flooding to the altar and bringing all kinds of things and leaving them at the altar. They were even going home and getting stereos, shoes, jackets, and lots of big things; the altar was overflowing with offerings and sacrifices of people giving their best! This is a big 5000 seat church with a big long altar, and it was full! And then God reminded me; I did not give my best. I still kept out of all the things I got rid of, a large bag of jewelry. It was the size of a man shaving bag and heavy, filled with lots of real diamonds, gem stones, silver and gold. I didn't have a car at this time, so the next day, I brought it to the church and gave God my best things that I was holding back. I was also surprised to see lots of other people coming back the next day, still bringing God their best!
Wow, that was an absolutely awesome experience to see all those people hearing God at the same time! If He told me what He was going to do, He was also telling them. That is why no one hesitated to give their best, God was already speaking to them even before they got there.
So I'm sitting here thinking even about when he called me and said "repent". I thought I was already good, when I wasn't. And then I even thought that I had given up everything to follow Him, and I hadn't. Just goes to show how our minds can deceive us. We need to stay constantly in that intimate relationship with Him to lead us and teach us. Proverbs 3:6 - In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.
We were starting to thrive and enjoy Columbus, Ohio. I wasn't able to continue bible college due to finances, so I got a full time job as an Apartment Community Manager. God gave us a car for only $200, it burned oil pretty badly but it got us around. Mandy was still going to 1st grade at World Harvest Church and doing well. We even had a picnic at the park with her teacher, so fun.
Another awesome thing that happened when we first got to Columbus was Amanda saw an angel. I had memorized Psalm 91 when we lived in Phoenix because we had so many supernatural things going on. And I was in the habit of saying it every night before bed. But this particular night in Columbus Ohio, we were both sleeping on a borrowed twin mattress on the floor. I forgot to say Psalm 91 over us that night and Amanda woke up in the middle of the night crying and scared. I was so tired, so I just told her its okay honey go back to sleep. And she kept crying, still scared. And then as we were laying there facing each other, she looks past me and behind me and says "I see an angel, I see an angel and she said DO NOT BE AFRAID." And she went right back to sleep. The next day we are sitting in church and the Pastor is preaching on Mary, when the ANGEL GABRIEL SHOWED UP AND TOLD HER "DO NOT BE AFRAID." Amanda and I looked at each other with our mouths wide open in amazement! And then after that happened she would occasionally tell me that she sees a light following her! Praise God!
Thursday, February 11, 2016
CHAPTER 7 - BY FAITH I WENT, NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS GOING
CHAPTER 7 - BY FAITH I WENT, NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS GOING
After I sold and gave away all my belongings, and my family made me choose God or them. And my church kicks me out for telling them what God showed me; Its time to move on. I had no idea where I was going, I was just following God hour by hour, asking Him what is next. I ended up at a friends house in Phoenix and stayed there about 3 weeks. Then I moved back to my home town, Sierra Vista, AZ and established a household again and started college classes. While taking a walk the Lord said look at a dollar bill, and when I did, He showed me that the words around the pyramid said "The beginning of the New World Order." So I believe something huge in the world just happened to start this in order. After only a few months, I hear God speak to me again. I was watching Rod Parsley from World Harvest Church for the last year and I saw that he had a bible college. I felt very strongly that God was telling me to go to that bible college, so I sell and give away all of our belongings again. And once again, my mom and dad were very angry that I could even think about leaving right before Christmas.
It was two days before Christmas, 1996, that my daughter and I arrive in Columbus Ohio. I just asked the taxi driver to get me as close as he can to World Harvest Church; and he dropped us off at a Red Roof Inn. I didn't know anyone in Columbus Ohio, its two days before Christmas and snow on the ground. I just looked up the churches phone number and called to ask if there was anyone at the church who could let us stay with them for a couple weeks until I get on my feet. He said, well its Christmas so it may be a little hard, but I will get back to you. Two days go by and still no call from him. So I call him again, and he said I will call you back. And still no call. So God said "go to breakfast at that Waffle House across the street." We did, and while I'm eating God says "see that woman sitting by herself, ask her for a ride." I asked her for a ride and she said, sure no problem but I need to go to my job before I bring you to that church. So she brings us to a Bar in a strip mall of other stores, and says this is my business and gives us a coke and some pretzels. She then hands me the phone and a phone book and says call around look for a place to live. I was so humble, just looking for God to speak to me, so I was doing everything she said. She took me to Georges Creek apartments, I fill out an application and find out that you have to have an income to get approved for an apartment. So Rita, is her name, she cosigns for me to get an apartment! And then she takes me back to her bar and says "by the way, I'm selling this place and here is your dining room table and chairs, your silverware and dishes etc." And then she takes me down the mall a couple stores where her mother is working and her mother gives us a television, then her sister brings us linens and blankets and nik naks. Rita even let me borrow her car for a week so I could go look for a job. Praise God! And after I get my apartment, I meet a woman (whos fictitious name will be Daisy) in the laundry room who goes to World Harvest Church, I tell her about us and she lets us borrow a twin bed mattress and a few bowls.
So now it was after Christmas and it is the New Years Service of 1997 at the church. I have only been to the church three times so far, and I'm sitting kind of in the middle left of sanctuary when Pastor Rod Parsley is preaching. And right in the middle of his preaching, he looks at me and yells, "hey you blondie, yea you. Do you believe that Pastor Rod Parsley can do great exploits in the name of Jesus?" And I nodded my head yes (not really even knowing what exploits meant). And he said "well so will you," And I teared up and couldn't wait to get home so I could look up the word "exploits." Wow it means "great acts of courage and bravery. And I thought, oh my goodness I already feel like I've done great acts of courage, and I'm wondering if he is talking about what I've done already or what I'm going to do! I will never let go of that word God gave me. It keeps me going and having hope, even through the rough times in my life. Even if I only went to Ohio to get that word from God, it was worth it all.
One Sunday at church, the Pastor offers several people to go to bible college for three months until they were able to pay. I jumped on the opportunity and started college. It was so awesome, like going to church everyday! So I only had about nine hundred dollars when I got to Ohio, and time is ticking away. I have been looking for a job and praying for work. I meet this very nice family at church, Joann Rose who offered to take Amanda to school in the mornings. So I go and sign Amanda up for their Christian school at World Harvest Church and get her uniform. She was in first grade, and so cute in her uniform! Time is going by and still no job and now I have an eviction sticker on my door! Was not easy looking for work with snow on the ground and no car. So the same woman, Daisy, that started out helping me in the beginning is now turning against me and wanting all her things back. She was a lay pastor at the church. I was really beginning to feel the spiritual warfare in that environment. Big devils that I have not encountered yet. So at this point, I feel like lots of the neighbors are watching what is going on with me and I'm feeling the enemy of my soul coming against me. I will never forget that while I was taking a shower, I was crying out to God saying "what are you doing to me?"
While at church one Sunday I asked a minister to pray for me and so she then told me to be ready for her and her husband to pick me up very early in the morning. The next morning they take me to the City Hall or Veterans Building and come to find out, Ohio pays for veterans back rent and utilities when you need it. So they paid my back rent and utilities for me and I'm praising God! Not long after that, I get a job as an Apartment Manager at a community down the street. And the other manager there sells me a car for only two hundred dollars. It burned oil pretty bad, but it ran well. Now we are beginning to thrive here in Ohio.
God is faithful! He is my provider. After I have seen him fill my house with things over and over, I have no fear of not having things! And He also says in Matthew 19:29 - And every one that has forsaken houses, or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for my names sake, SHALL RECEIVE A HUNDREDFOLD AND SHALL INHERIT EVERLASTING LIFE.
I KNOW I AM RICH. My daughter has asked me for things and they would just show up, somehow, somewhere. Once while praying at my apartment in Ohio, God interrupted my prayer and said "take out the trash", and I thought, I already did that. And He said it again. So I took the trash out to the dumpster outside and there was a beautiful wooden cabinet sitting there by the dumpster. So I asked a guy walking by if he could help me bring it in to my apartment. Another time, I found a very nice king size bed in the dumpster and I asked my neighbor to help me get it out and bring it in. We also found a nice bunk bed frame by dumpster for Amanda's room. Things just came from all over, each one a miracle from God! God has always been working on my humility, before I started following Him, I would have never done such a thing, as get things out of the trash and borrow things from people. He is at work in my heart! After all these years of God filling my house with things. I still haven't used up my hundred times more than what I gave up! I am rich!!!!
After I sold and gave away all my belongings, and my family made me choose God or them. And my church kicks me out for telling them what God showed me; Its time to move on. I had no idea where I was going, I was just following God hour by hour, asking Him what is next. I ended up at a friends house in Phoenix and stayed there about 3 weeks. Then I moved back to my home town, Sierra Vista, AZ and established a household again and started college classes. While taking a walk the Lord said look at a dollar bill, and when I did, He showed me that the words around the pyramid said "The beginning of the New World Order." So I believe something huge in the world just happened to start this in order. After only a few months, I hear God speak to me again. I was watching Rod Parsley from World Harvest Church for the last year and I saw that he had a bible college. I felt very strongly that God was telling me to go to that bible college, so I sell and give away all of our belongings again. And once again, my mom and dad were very angry that I could even think about leaving right before Christmas.
It was two days before Christmas, 1996, that my daughter and I arrive in Columbus Ohio. I just asked the taxi driver to get me as close as he can to World Harvest Church; and he dropped us off at a Red Roof Inn. I didn't know anyone in Columbus Ohio, its two days before Christmas and snow on the ground. I just looked up the churches phone number and called to ask if there was anyone at the church who could let us stay with them for a couple weeks until I get on my feet. He said, well its Christmas so it may be a little hard, but I will get back to you. Two days go by and still no call from him. So I call him again, and he said I will call you back. And still no call. So God said "go to breakfast at that Waffle House across the street." We did, and while I'm eating God says "see that woman sitting by herself, ask her for a ride." I asked her for a ride and she said, sure no problem but I need to go to my job before I bring you to that church. So she brings us to a Bar in a strip mall of other stores, and says this is my business and gives us a coke and some pretzels. She then hands me the phone and a phone book and says call around look for a place to live. I was so humble, just looking for God to speak to me, so I was doing everything she said. She took me to Georges Creek apartments, I fill out an application and find out that you have to have an income to get approved for an apartment. So Rita, is her name, she cosigns for me to get an apartment! And then she takes me back to her bar and says "by the way, I'm selling this place and here is your dining room table and chairs, your silverware and dishes etc." And then she takes me down the mall a couple stores where her mother is working and her mother gives us a television, then her sister brings us linens and blankets and nik naks. Rita even let me borrow her car for a week so I could go look for a job. Praise God! And after I get my apartment, I meet a woman (whos fictitious name will be Daisy) in the laundry room who goes to World Harvest Church, I tell her about us and she lets us borrow a twin bed mattress and a few bowls.
So now it was after Christmas and it is the New Years Service of 1997 at the church. I have only been to the church three times so far, and I'm sitting kind of in the middle left of sanctuary when Pastor Rod Parsley is preaching. And right in the middle of his preaching, he looks at me and yells, "hey you blondie, yea you. Do you believe that Pastor Rod Parsley can do great exploits in the name of Jesus?" And I nodded my head yes (not really even knowing what exploits meant). And he said "well so will you," And I teared up and couldn't wait to get home so I could look up the word "exploits." Wow it means "great acts of courage and bravery. And I thought, oh my goodness I already feel like I've done great acts of courage, and I'm wondering if he is talking about what I've done already or what I'm going to do! I will never let go of that word God gave me. It keeps me going and having hope, even through the rough times in my life. Even if I only went to Ohio to get that word from God, it was worth it all.
One Sunday at church, the Pastor offers several people to go to bible college for three months until they were able to pay. I jumped on the opportunity and started college. It was so awesome, like going to church everyday! So I only had about nine hundred dollars when I got to Ohio, and time is ticking away. I have been looking for a job and praying for work. I meet this very nice family at church, Joann Rose who offered to take Amanda to school in the mornings. So I go and sign Amanda up for their Christian school at World Harvest Church and get her uniform. She was in first grade, and so cute in her uniform! Time is going by and still no job and now I have an eviction sticker on my door! Was not easy looking for work with snow on the ground and no car. So the same woman, Daisy, that started out helping me in the beginning is now turning against me and wanting all her things back. She was a lay pastor at the church. I was really beginning to feel the spiritual warfare in that environment. Big devils that I have not encountered yet. So at this point, I feel like lots of the neighbors are watching what is going on with me and I'm feeling the enemy of my soul coming against me. I will never forget that while I was taking a shower, I was crying out to God saying "what are you doing to me?"
While at church one Sunday I asked a minister to pray for me and so she then told me to be ready for her and her husband to pick me up very early in the morning. The next morning they take me to the City Hall or Veterans Building and come to find out, Ohio pays for veterans back rent and utilities when you need it. So they paid my back rent and utilities for me and I'm praising God! Not long after that, I get a job as an Apartment Manager at a community down the street. And the other manager there sells me a car for only two hundred dollars. It burned oil pretty bad, but it ran well. Now we are beginning to thrive here in Ohio.
God is faithful! He is my provider. After I have seen him fill my house with things over and over, I have no fear of not having things! And He also says in Matthew 19:29 - And every one that has forsaken houses, or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for my names sake, SHALL RECEIVE A HUNDREDFOLD AND SHALL INHERIT EVERLASTING LIFE.
I KNOW I AM RICH. My daughter has asked me for things and they would just show up, somehow, somewhere. Once while praying at my apartment in Ohio, God interrupted my prayer and said "take out the trash", and I thought, I already did that. And He said it again. So I took the trash out to the dumpster outside and there was a beautiful wooden cabinet sitting there by the dumpster. So I asked a guy walking by if he could help me bring it in to my apartment. Another time, I found a very nice king size bed in the dumpster and I asked my neighbor to help me get it out and bring it in. We also found a nice bunk bed frame by dumpster for Amanda's room. Things just came from all over, each one a miracle from God! God has always been working on my humility, before I started following Him, I would have never done such a thing, as get things out of the trash and borrow things from people. He is at work in my heart! After all these years of God filling my house with things. I still haven't used up my hundred times more than what I gave up! I am rich!!!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
CHAPTER 6 - POURING MYSELF OUT
CHAPTER 6 - POURING MYSELF OUT Spring of 1996 Luke AFB Phx Az
I can still recall that right before I started selling everything, when God was showing me how to love; my mom and dad came to visit my daughter and I in Phoenix for the weekend. Well just as they had unloaded everything to stay, my dad tried to start a fight immediately (as he has always done in the past, he always instigated and provoked a fight). He was sitting on my couch and said "Laurie, I want to know why every time we get together that there is a fight?" And I sat next to him and put my arm around him and said "I don't know dad, I'm just going to love you no matter what." And they both got very angry and cussing saying what the ___ have we ever done to you! And what kind of religion would turn you away from your family. And I was staying calm, and saying "I'm just going to love you." They were so mad that I did not react the way I always have. My dads eyes looked blood red as they packed their things still cussing at me and left. It proved to me that this was a spiritual battle and I had to depend on God to lead me, because what just happened made no sense to me. What they actually said to me by those actions, was choose us and strife and bitterness and fighting; or choose God and love. Wow, so all of a sudden I started to understand just a little taste of what Jesus had to endure to save us. God had also put in my hands a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend; when to say yes and when to say no. This book helped me grow up and take control of my life.
While I was yet selling and giving away everything, I was prayer walking one morning and God said go to the house that had the deliverance bible study. The one that I showed you she was operating in the spirit of Jezebel. Oh my goodness! So here I am ringing her door bell and don't even know what I'm going to say or why I'm there. I'm saying to myself, "why am I here, why am I here?" And she answers the door. I say "Hi there, I was taking a walk and just wanted to stop and talk." She was abrupt with me and said "hold on"; and left me outside for several minutes. I'm pacing, saying "what am I doing here, what am I doing here?" And then she says "come in." She leaves me standing by door inside for several minutes again. She comes back and says come back here, she brings me to the messiest room in the house. A very cluttered office room. So I sit down and say "well I'm not sure why I'm here; I will just tell you what God has been showing me. I said, each time I came to your bible study at your house, you would do something that I was not used to seeing; and I would go home and ask God what was that, was that you?" And He would show me in my bible and bible dictionary about the spirit of Jezebel. And she jumps up and says loudly "do you know what your saying, you are going to have to tell the Pastor about this." And I said "Okay." About a week goes by and then I get a phone call setting up a meeting with Pastor at church. I get there and she is already in his office. The Pastor does not pray with us, he forcefully says to me in front of her; "so what are these accusations against my lay pastor?" And I told him exactly the same thing I told her and he said "who is showing you this?" And I said "the Holy Spirit", and he says "ah fooey!" And I also said that I bought the tapes from when his guest speaker came and taught on the Spirit of Jezebel. He was writing the whole time I was talking and when I asked for a copy of his notes, he said "no". He then said "You need to apologize to my lay pastor or you cannot come back to this church." And I said "no sir, I can't do that." So he escorts me to the door, and still was not going to pray; so I stopped and prayed out loud for God to help us love each other.
So at this point, I only had a folding picnic table, and a couple folding patio chairs in my house. My mom and dad have made me choose them or God. And now the church that I thought was going to help me move on in the destiny God had for me, has kicked me out. They had an elderly man they called a senior pastor at that church who gave me a teaching paper about a week before I got kicked out. He called me wanting his paper back. And I said "oh I cant bring it to you, didn't you hear that I cant come back there." And he said that he had not heard. So I said "well if you would like to come tomorrow and prayer walk with me, I'll give it to you then." I guess I was still hanging on to a thread of hope that someone from the church was going to help me. So the next day he shows up and we walk and pray. Afterward, he wants to come in for a drink of water. While I'm getting some ice out of the refrigerator, he said, "I want to take a shower and have you wash my back." And I was shocked, caught me so much off guard! I said "oh no, no, no!" And he went to my bathroom and took a shower. I was pacing the floor the whole time he was in there praying that God would convict him. When he was done, he practically ran out of my house! About a week later, he called me and asked for my forgiveness, and I forgave him. Wow, that is rare that someone does come back and ask for your forgiveness!
The same church where God was using people to help me and deliver me, was also the same church God taught me about the spirit of Jezebel and how they were spreading fear because they were devil centered and not God centered. And I learned about that wolf in sheep clothes, that I need to be more on guard. I still love all of those people, will never forget them. Miracles happened to me there.
By faith, I followed God every step of the way. I knew that I knew that I was hearing Him and following Him. And now I am at a place that I have given up everything to follow Him and don't even know where I'm going next. And I still have faith!!! He is in control of it all!
Hebrews 11:8 - By faith Abraham when he was called to go out into a place which he should receive for an inheritance, obeyed and he went out, NOT KNOWING WHERE HE WAS GOING. 11:10 - For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose BUILDER AND MAKER IS GOD.
An intimate relationship and following after Gods will for my life costed me everything.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
CHAPTER 5 - I NEED A HOME
CHAPTER 5 - I NEED A HOME 1995 Luke AFB Phx AZ
At this time in my life, I have been having many supernatural things happen all at once. My prayer had been for Gods will to be done in my life and I submitted to the Holy Spirit to take over my life. For the first time I was Shop Chief over 13 men in the Air Force. I really didn't like to play the political game that it took to be a shop chief, so they brought in a misfit MSgt and put him over me. He immediately started making sexual comments to me and I told God "look what he is doing, I will go to the President If I have to, just tell me what you want me to do." So I went home and opened my bible looking for an answer and He said "turn the other cheek." Oh my goodness, my flesh screamed out "no way", and I sure felt the flesh warring against the Spirit! As I submitted for the first time to the Holy Spirit, a job came open to be a dormitory manager and that MSgt said why don't you take it? And I thought to myself, no way I'm staying here to keep you on your toes. And again, I went home and asked God for His will; and not long after that, I took that position. I had to swallow my pride to take that job because normally they only put people in that position who could not fulfill their primary duty. But I felt God leading me, so I did.
Not long after being in the Dormitory Manager position, I hear God tell me, "get out of the Air Force, I am going to bless you." I sure wrestled with that word from God because military was all I knew. I even had a chance to get out early a year earlier and get a sixteen thousand dollar incentive and I passed it up. And now its time to reenlist, and God is telling me to get out. Wow it sure wasn't making any sense to me, but I know I heard God. I asked God to give me a word of knowledge to confirm He was speaking to me and the very next time I went to church, this man stands up and gives a person a word from God. And then he looks at me and says to me "because of your travailing and faithfulness, God is going to save your whole household and....God is going to bless you." Wow! I got my word. So I got out of the Air Force with a 5 year old daughter and only $100 to my name.
A week or so goes by and I ask God "okay Lord, what is next?" As I took a walk around the block one day, I see an 8x10 piece of paper on the ground that said in big black magic marker "I NEED A HOME." I picked it up, I knew it was from God to me; so I prayed Yes Lord I need a home, where do I go now? And in the middle of the night, He wakes me up and says "have a yard sale." So in the morning, I start to put things out in the driveway when three ladies pull up. They asked if there was more, I said its not all out yet and they said can we go in and look? And I let them in my house, and then more people were coming in and they were all asking how much, how much? Oh my goodness I had so many beautiful things, I had brought back lots of antique furniture and things from California. Even lots of antique dishes and nick nacks. I ended up having a yard sale for 4 months. Selling and giving away and throwing away all my things to follow God and have His perfect will in my life. His anointing was so strong on me again. I had several roman statues and other art forms of pagan gods in my house and when I would just walk past one of them, my skin would crawl. I would then take it out to my back yard and smash it to the ground. I had quite the pile going. And then there were other things that the Lord showed me had a hold on me because it was calling out to me "you better polish me or else, you better take care of me or else." And then other things He told me to get rid of because I loved it too much, more than Him. Everything had a spiritual significance. I would take my daughter to her preschool in the mornings and I would come back home and prayer walk. Walking and praying with my hands in the air praising and worshipping Him, I could hear him so well! And people were still coming from all over to come to my yard sale. While driving back home one day after dropping my daughter off at her school, I heard God tell me "I am making you a MOTHER OF MANY NATIONS." I cried because I knew I just heard Gods voice speak to me, but then I thought, but what does that mean?
While walking one morning God led me to this piece of land that was for sale. Nothing on it and it was being tilled and cleared. I walked that land claiming it for the kingdom of God and seeing visions of a God centered community all helping each other. Many times I went back and walked around it at Virginia and 63rd Ave. And I started feeling a cool breeze, like cool water around my legs and up to my knees. It was awesome when God told me that was His river flowing. Anyway that piece of land has a housing community on it now, so I cant wait to see what it will look like after Jesus comes back.
Later, God revealed to me that that piece of paper I found while walking that day that said "I NEED A HOME" was Gods love letter to me. Telling me HE NEEDED A HOME IN ME! He was cleaning this house to be a worthy habitation for HIS HOME IN ME. His dwelling place in me! He had to remove everything that was not of Him or from Him or things that had a hold on me or controlling me. Or things I loved more than Him. And the Holy Spirit did it all! One step at a time as I submitted to Him, He cleaned this house and moved in! Praise God!!!
Don't miss next chapter, still so much more to come. Follow me as I follow Him. Your Father is calling you!!!
At this time in my life, I have been having many supernatural things happen all at once. My prayer had been for Gods will to be done in my life and I submitted to the Holy Spirit to take over my life. For the first time I was Shop Chief over 13 men in the Air Force. I really didn't like to play the political game that it took to be a shop chief, so they brought in a misfit MSgt and put him over me. He immediately started making sexual comments to me and I told God "look what he is doing, I will go to the President If I have to, just tell me what you want me to do." So I went home and opened my bible looking for an answer and He said "turn the other cheek." Oh my goodness, my flesh screamed out "no way", and I sure felt the flesh warring against the Spirit! As I submitted for the first time to the Holy Spirit, a job came open to be a dormitory manager and that MSgt said why don't you take it? And I thought to myself, no way I'm staying here to keep you on your toes. And again, I went home and asked God for His will; and not long after that, I took that position. I had to swallow my pride to take that job because normally they only put people in that position who could not fulfill their primary duty. But I felt God leading me, so I did.
Not long after being in the Dormitory Manager position, I hear God tell me, "get out of the Air Force, I am going to bless you." I sure wrestled with that word from God because military was all I knew. I even had a chance to get out early a year earlier and get a sixteen thousand dollar incentive and I passed it up. And now its time to reenlist, and God is telling me to get out. Wow it sure wasn't making any sense to me, but I know I heard God. I asked God to give me a word of knowledge to confirm He was speaking to me and the very next time I went to church, this man stands up and gives a person a word from God. And then he looks at me and says to me "because of your travailing and faithfulness, God is going to save your whole household and....God is going to bless you." Wow! I got my word. So I got out of the Air Force with a 5 year old daughter and only $100 to my name.
A week or so goes by and I ask God "okay Lord, what is next?" As I took a walk around the block one day, I see an 8x10 piece of paper on the ground that said in big black magic marker "I NEED A HOME." I picked it up, I knew it was from God to me; so I prayed Yes Lord I need a home, where do I go now? And in the middle of the night, He wakes me up and says "have a yard sale." So in the morning, I start to put things out in the driveway when three ladies pull up. They asked if there was more, I said its not all out yet and they said can we go in and look? And I let them in my house, and then more people were coming in and they were all asking how much, how much? Oh my goodness I had so many beautiful things, I had brought back lots of antique furniture and things from California. Even lots of antique dishes and nick nacks. I ended up having a yard sale for 4 months. Selling and giving away and throwing away all my things to follow God and have His perfect will in my life. His anointing was so strong on me again. I had several roman statues and other art forms of pagan gods in my house and when I would just walk past one of them, my skin would crawl. I would then take it out to my back yard and smash it to the ground. I had quite the pile going. And then there were other things that the Lord showed me had a hold on me because it was calling out to me "you better polish me or else, you better take care of me or else." And then other things He told me to get rid of because I loved it too much, more than Him. Everything had a spiritual significance. I would take my daughter to her preschool in the mornings and I would come back home and prayer walk. Walking and praying with my hands in the air praising and worshipping Him, I could hear him so well! And people were still coming from all over to come to my yard sale. While driving back home one day after dropping my daughter off at her school, I heard God tell me "I am making you a MOTHER OF MANY NATIONS." I cried because I knew I just heard Gods voice speak to me, but then I thought, but what does that mean?
While walking one morning God led me to this piece of land that was for sale. Nothing on it and it was being tilled and cleared. I walked that land claiming it for the kingdom of God and seeing visions of a God centered community all helping each other. Many times I went back and walked around it at Virginia and 63rd Ave. And I started feeling a cool breeze, like cool water around my legs and up to my knees. It was awesome when God told me that was His river flowing. Anyway that piece of land has a housing community on it now, so I cant wait to see what it will look like after Jesus comes back.
Later, God revealed to me that that piece of paper I found while walking that day that said "I NEED A HOME" was Gods love letter to me. Telling me HE NEEDED A HOME IN ME! He was cleaning this house to be a worthy habitation for HIS HOME IN ME. His dwelling place in me! He had to remove everything that was not of Him or from Him or things that had a hold on me or controlling me. Or things I loved more than Him. And the Holy Spirit did it all! One step at a time as I submitted to Him, He cleaned this house and moved in! Praise God!!!
Don't miss next chapter, still so much more to come. Follow me as I follow Him. Your Father is calling you!!!
Saturday, February 6, 2016
CHAPTER 4 - I WANT TO LOVE THE WAY JESUS LOVES
CHAPTER 4 - I WANT TO LOVE THE WAY JESUS LOVES scroll down for chapter 1-3
At this point in my walk with the Holy Spirit of the Living God, I was finding out that Christians can be oppressed by demons. So I was praying that Gods anointing would come and break off every chain on me. I had learned that my daughters grandpa was a Pastor and her grandmas ministry was deliverance. And she had mailed me a little bit of literature about demonic oppression. So a little bit at a time God was teaching me how to be set free. I had Christian television on my T.V all the time, watching a lot of World Harvest Church at this time. Supernatural things started to happen to me; for example, while in my house I could see something moving out of the corner of my eye, like a small dark image; and every time I would turn to look at it, it would run. My daughter was only 5, I didn't want to scare her, so I didn't tell her about it. But one Saturday morning, she woke up before me and I said let me lay here for a while go play in your room. A few minutes later, she came back kind of skipping and jumped in bed. While looking at her toy she says "mommy, I keep seeing something and every time I try to look at it , it runs away." Well the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I knew it was a spirit now. It didn't do anything to me except scare me, so I just kept casting out the spirit of fear. And after a while I did not see it any more.
I had heard of a woman at church that had a ministry in deliverance so I started going to her bible studies at night at her house. She immediately laid her hands on me when I walked in and she prophesied over me. As she did to everyone else. I had never experienced that before, but I was willing to stay and see what God was doing. The next time I went, she prophesied over a married couple and told them that they were going to get to know the devil real well...oh real well! I was new to all this supernatural stuff but what she was doing seemed to be different from everything else God was doing in my life. Another time I went and we were raising our hands in a circle with worship music on praising God, when she abruptly and loudly started yelling at the devil to leave and get out.
Several times after going to her house, I would go home and ask God "what was that, was that you?" And He was showing me all about the spirit of Jezebel. Several times in row I asked Him "what was that, was that you?" And same thing, He just kept showing me about Jezebel. I started to write more about what she was doing, but I do not want to give you fear, like she was doing to those people. Just know that this spirit of Jezebel is manipulating, dominating, and intimidating. It is witchcraft! And God hates witchcraft! As the Elijah generation is raised up in power to restore all things before the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Jezebel spirit will and is raising her ugly head in opposition. Just as Elijah had to overcome her we will have to do the same. She is the false prophet who causes a big scene as soon as the real King is brought out. She tears her clothes and screams "treason, treason, you are the false king." She hates the true prophets of God who can spot her a mile away. She is relentless and ruthless in trying to kill all of Gods prophets. Read book by Steve Sampson called "Confronting Jezebel -Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control."
At this time, I was praying that I wanted to love, to love the way Jesus loves, I remember going to the altar several times asking this lay pastor to help me pray that I can love the way Jesus loves. And he prayed "God love her." And I thought that's not what I asked him to pray. He would say that every time I asked him to help me pray. I liked this lay pastor, he started teaching a class in the mornings before church started. It was on child abuse. While attending his class he taught about the different kinds of child abuse. One thing he said was that emotional abuse was child abuse, and I immediately felt liberated to know that some one else knew what I had been feeling for years. I knew I was abused but I couldn't prove it or knew what to call it. He also taught on generational curses, and how we can pass these things on to our children and their children. So I started praying, "Lord please don't let me pass on any generational curses to my daughter and show me how to be a good mommy."
Now I learn that some one else at church is having a bible study at their house. So I start going on Wednesday nights. This particular Wednesday night, I was saying goodbye almost out the door, when my daughter, 5 at the time, was tugging on my shirt. She said "mommy tell them you need prayer" and I said what for honey? And she didn't answer me. So I continue to say bye and she tugs on my shirt again "mommy, tell them you need prayer." And again I ask, what for honey? Still no answer. So I tell them my daughter says I need prayer, and the only thing I can think of is I've been praying that I don't throw any generational curses on her. So they gather around me and lay hands on me and pray. And then we went home. I just want to make sure everyone knows that my daughter was always a good little girl, no tantrums or violent behavior. After we got home, I started to do the dishes and Amanda sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and said "mommy, I want a miracle." I said, you do? well just ask God! He can do it." And she says again, in a more demanding voice, I want a miracle! And I said well tell me what you want and I will help you pray. Still she wont tell me, so I keep washing dishes. Next time she says it she was getting angry. And I turned and said cut it out, it was 9:00 at night so I thought she was just cranky and tired. I continue doing dishes and I turned back and she was not there. So I went in the living room looking for her and she was curled up in a ball in a corner shaking. I said "what's wrong come here" and she screams at me and says "no, get away!" And I said" honey, what did I do, you have to tell mommy so I can say sorry." And I bent down to pick her up and she screams no get away and her face turns flush; so I backed away from her. At this point, I start pacing the floor praying, "God what is going on, what did I do?' And she gets up and says "you don't love me, I'm running away" and she tries to run out of the house at 9:00 at night. I catch her and hold on to her while she is kicking me and trying to bite me. My daughter has never acted out like this ever! So I put her down and she looks at me with these eyes that I have never seen before and says "I'm lonely." The hair on the back of my neck stood up and then I knew that this was a spiritual battle! I knew it because even if my daughter was lonely, she wouldn't know what to call it. So I'm trying to remember everything the Holy Spirit has been teaching about demons. And I'm trying to remember everything that was manifesting through her while she was acting out. So without yelling at her, I just said, "IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I COMMAND THAT SPIRIT OF ANGER TO LEAVE YOU, GET OUT." And just like you would see in a movie, she holds her ears and screams no! And I just kept casting out in the NAME OF JESUS, I command the spirits of anger, fear, rejection and lonliness to leave get out! And she fell down weeping and I lay down with her and cried. We knew we had just been through something very spiritual!
Praise God! He hears our prayers and the very intentions of our heart. I want to love the way Jesus loves, and to be a good mommy and to not pass on any generational curses to my daughter. And He set us free!!! And as I learned to trust Him, I allowed Him to LOVE ME FIRST...So I could love...the way He loves. He had to show me how, by first RECEIVING HIS LOVE.
Open your heart and let Him come in, to LOVE YOU...SO YOU CAN LOVE!!
At this point in my walk with the Holy Spirit of the Living God, I was finding out that Christians can be oppressed by demons. So I was praying that Gods anointing would come and break off every chain on me. I had learned that my daughters grandpa was a Pastor and her grandmas ministry was deliverance. And she had mailed me a little bit of literature about demonic oppression. So a little bit at a time God was teaching me how to be set free. I had Christian television on my T.V all the time, watching a lot of World Harvest Church at this time. Supernatural things started to happen to me; for example, while in my house I could see something moving out of the corner of my eye, like a small dark image; and every time I would turn to look at it, it would run. My daughter was only 5, I didn't want to scare her, so I didn't tell her about it. But one Saturday morning, she woke up before me and I said let me lay here for a while go play in your room. A few minutes later, she came back kind of skipping and jumped in bed. While looking at her toy she says "mommy, I keep seeing something and every time I try to look at it , it runs away." Well the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I knew it was a spirit now. It didn't do anything to me except scare me, so I just kept casting out the spirit of fear. And after a while I did not see it any more.
I had heard of a woman at church that had a ministry in deliverance so I started going to her bible studies at night at her house. She immediately laid her hands on me when I walked in and she prophesied over me. As she did to everyone else. I had never experienced that before, but I was willing to stay and see what God was doing. The next time I went, she prophesied over a married couple and told them that they were going to get to know the devil real well...oh real well! I was new to all this supernatural stuff but what she was doing seemed to be different from everything else God was doing in my life. Another time I went and we were raising our hands in a circle with worship music on praising God, when she abruptly and loudly started yelling at the devil to leave and get out.
Several times after going to her house, I would go home and ask God "what was that, was that you?" And He was showing me all about the spirit of Jezebel. Several times in row I asked Him "what was that, was that you?" And same thing, He just kept showing me about Jezebel. I started to write more about what she was doing, but I do not want to give you fear, like she was doing to those people. Just know that this spirit of Jezebel is manipulating, dominating, and intimidating. It is witchcraft! And God hates witchcraft! As the Elijah generation is raised up in power to restore all things before the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Jezebel spirit will and is raising her ugly head in opposition. Just as Elijah had to overcome her we will have to do the same. She is the false prophet who causes a big scene as soon as the real King is brought out. She tears her clothes and screams "treason, treason, you are the false king." She hates the true prophets of God who can spot her a mile away. She is relentless and ruthless in trying to kill all of Gods prophets. Read book by Steve Sampson called "Confronting Jezebel -Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control."
At this time, I was praying that I wanted to love, to love the way Jesus loves, I remember going to the altar several times asking this lay pastor to help me pray that I can love the way Jesus loves. And he prayed "God love her." And I thought that's not what I asked him to pray. He would say that every time I asked him to help me pray. I liked this lay pastor, he started teaching a class in the mornings before church started. It was on child abuse. While attending his class he taught about the different kinds of child abuse. One thing he said was that emotional abuse was child abuse, and I immediately felt liberated to know that some one else knew what I had been feeling for years. I knew I was abused but I couldn't prove it or knew what to call it. He also taught on generational curses, and how we can pass these things on to our children and their children. So I started praying, "Lord please don't let me pass on any generational curses to my daughter and show me how to be a good mommy."
Now I learn that some one else at church is having a bible study at their house. So I start going on Wednesday nights. This particular Wednesday night, I was saying goodbye almost out the door, when my daughter, 5 at the time, was tugging on my shirt. She said "mommy tell them you need prayer" and I said what for honey? And she didn't answer me. So I continue to say bye and she tugs on my shirt again "mommy, tell them you need prayer." And again I ask, what for honey? Still no answer. So I tell them my daughter says I need prayer, and the only thing I can think of is I've been praying that I don't throw any generational curses on her. So they gather around me and lay hands on me and pray. And then we went home. I just want to make sure everyone knows that my daughter was always a good little girl, no tantrums or violent behavior. After we got home, I started to do the dishes and Amanda sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and said "mommy, I want a miracle." I said, you do? well just ask God! He can do it." And she says again, in a more demanding voice, I want a miracle! And I said well tell me what you want and I will help you pray. Still she wont tell me, so I keep washing dishes. Next time she says it she was getting angry. And I turned and said cut it out, it was 9:00 at night so I thought she was just cranky and tired. I continue doing dishes and I turned back and she was not there. So I went in the living room looking for her and she was curled up in a ball in a corner shaking. I said "what's wrong come here" and she screams at me and says "no, get away!" And I said" honey, what did I do, you have to tell mommy so I can say sorry." And I bent down to pick her up and she screams no get away and her face turns flush; so I backed away from her. At this point, I start pacing the floor praying, "God what is going on, what did I do?' And she gets up and says "you don't love me, I'm running away" and she tries to run out of the house at 9:00 at night. I catch her and hold on to her while she is kicking me and trying to bite me. My daughter has never acted out like this ever! So I put her down and she looks at me with these eyes that I have never seen before and says "I'm lonely." The hair on the back of my neck stood up and then I knew that this was a spiritual battle! I knew it because even if my daughter was lonely, she wouldn't know what to call it. So I'm trying to remember everything the Holy Spirit has been teaching about demons. And I'm trying to remember everything that was manifesting through her while she was acting out. So without yelling at her, I just said, "IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I COMMAND THAT SPIRIT OF ANGER TO LEAVE YOU, GET OUT." And just like you would see in a movie, she holds her ears and screams no! And I just kept casting out in the NAME OF JESUS, I command the spirits of anger, fear, rejection and lonliness to leave get out! And she fell down weeping and I lay down with her and cried. We knew we had just been through something very spiritual!
Praise God! He hears our prayers and the very intentions of our heart. I want to love the way Jesus loves, and to be a good mommy and to not pass on any generational curses to my daughter. And He set us free!!! And as I learned to trust Him, I allowed Him to LOVE ME FIRST...So I could love...the way He loves. He had to show me how, by first RECEIVING HIS LOVE.
Open your heart and let Him come in, to LOVE YOU...SO YOU CAN LOVE!!
Friday, February 5, 2016
CHAPTER 3 - WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE NAKED?
Chapter 3 - Year 1995 - Phoenix - Luke AFB
After attending this Assembly of God Church for about a month the Pastor while preaching said that God is saying "His people need to repent so they can be restored." I was so relieved that someone else could hear God! And then I thought, I better go repent. I had already repented of everything I knew of but I knew for sure God was speaking. So I went down to the altar and kneeled down and prayed a generic prayer of "God I'm sorry for putting my family before you, I'm sorry for putting my work before you, I'm sorry for putting my money before you"; and I fell over. Past out, and when I came to; I was manifesting. I could see what my body was doing, but I couldn't stop it. I was laying there and breathing very heavy and loud and then abruptly sit up and gasp, as in a great fear. This happened over and over. The Pastor and his lay pastors were putting oil on my head and trying to cast out the devil. I thought I was possessed too because I could see what was happening and couldn't stop it. Until one woman heard from God and said "Laurie, what is God showing you?" And I said "well the only thing I can think of is when my daughter was little, she peed the bed and I spanked her." I guess I had guilt for that, but there it went! That was just the beginning of the Holy Spirit bringing up one thing after the other of what I needed to repent of. I would say something and the woman would say Lord forgive her for that. They were things that happened even before I was saved, would have never thought they were an issue in my life. One thing the Holy Spirit brought out was an ungodly thought that I had for maybe three seconds that was even before I was saved. AND HE SHOWED ME A LITTLE GIRL IN A RED DRESS STANDING BY A DOOR THAT WAS ONLY OPEN A COUPLE INCHES. These were all my deep dark secrets that I would not tell anyone! And here I was on the floor, under the power of the Holy Spirit, couldn't get up if I wanted to, and I'm confessing them to these people I had just met. After confessing all these things, I got zapped with electricity. Started in my feet and rolled up my whole body. For weeks afterward, my arms and hands were tingling as if I had been shocked with electricity. After 2 1/2 hours on the floor, 10:30 at night, the pastor says well I don't know what else to do for you, can you drive home? And I said "I think so." I didn't sleep well at all, I could still feel this power all over me. The next morning, I get my uniform on to go to Luke AFB to work. I took my daughter to her preschool at SKYWAY Christian School and dropped her off at her classroom, and then stepped into the office and started telling one of the ladies what had happened the night before at my church. Every time I tried to tell her what happened, I couldn't speak, just travailing was coming out of my mouth! So she went and told her pastor what was going on, he must have called the other pastor from my church because he knew exactly what to ask me.
After taking me to their sanctuary, the pastor asks me "LAURIE, WHAT IS GOD SHOWING YOU?" And sure enough, I wasn't finished. There was a few more things God wanted to cleanse me of.
Wow, God is so awesome! I thought I was already good, had quit everything I knew how to quit when He told me to repent. He even wants to cleanse our conscience of the guilt and shame that came in from sinning. He loves us so much. He is calling us to repentance so we can be made whole! He knows the very intentions of our heart.
Genesis 3 - Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, has God said, you shall not eat of every tree of the garden? 2 And the woman said unto the serpent, we may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden; 3 but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, you shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.
In genesis 3 you can read how they both ate of the tree and then their eyes were opened and then they knew that they were naked. They heard the voice of God walking in the garden in the cool of the day and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God. And God called Adam and said, "WHERE ARE YOU?" And he said, I heard your voice in the garden, and I WAS AFRAID, BECAUSE I WAS NAKED, AND I HID MYSELF. And he said, WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE NAKED? Have you eaten from the tree that I told you not to eat of?
Still so much more to come. Please follow along with me so we can experience God together! He is doing wonders among His people.
After attending this Assembly of God Church for about a month the Pastor while preaching said that God is saying "His people need to repent so they can be restored." I was so relieved that someone else could hear God! And then I thought, I better go repent. I had already repented of everything I knew of but I knew for sure God was speaking. So I went down to the altar and kneeled down and prayed a generic prayer of "God I'm sorry for putting my family before you, I'm sorry for putting my work before you, I'm sorry for putting my money before you"; and I fell over. Past out, and when I came to; I was manifesting. I could see what my body was doing, but I couldn't stop it. I was laying there and breathing very heavy and loud and then abruptly sit up and gasp, as in a great fear. This happened over and over. The Pastor and his lay pastors were putting oil on my head and trying to cast out the devil. I thought I was possessed too because I could see what was happening and couldn't stop it. Until one woman heard from God and said "Laurie, what is God showing you?" And I said "well the only thing I can think of is when my daughter was little, she peed the bed and I spanked her." I guess I had guilt for that, but there it went! That was just the beginning of the Holy Spirit bringing up one thing after the other of what I needed to repent of. I would say something and the woman would say Lord forgive her for that. They were things that happened even before I was saved, would have never thought they were an issue in my life. One thing the Holy Spirit brought out was an ungodly thought that I had for maybe three seconds that was even before I was saved. AND HE SHOWED ME A LITTLE GIRL IN A RED DRESS STANDING BY A DOOR THAT WAS ONLY OPEN A COUPLE INCHES. These were all my deep dark secrets that I would not tell anyone! And here I was on the floor, under the power of the Holy Spirit, couldn't get up if I wanted to, and I'm confessing them to these people I had just met. After confessing all these things, I got zapped with electricity. Started in my feet and rolled up my whole body. For weeks afterward, my arms and hands were tingling as if I had been shocked with electricity. After 2 1/2 hours on the floor, 10:30 at night, the pastor says well I don't know what else to do for you, can you drive home? And I said "I think so." I didn't sleep well at all, I could still feel this power all over me. The next morning, I get my uniform on to go to Luke AFB to work. I took my daughter to her preschool at SKYWAY Christian School and dropped her off at her classroom, and then stepped into the office and started telling one of the ladies what had happened the night before at my church. Every time I tried to tell her what happened, I couldn't speak, just travailing was coming out of my mouth! So she went and told her pastor what was going on, he must have called the other pastor from my church because he knew exactly what to ask me.
After taking me to their sanctuary, the pastor asks me "LAURIE, WHAT IS GOD SHOWING YOU?" And sure enough, I wasn't finished. There was a few more things God wanted to cleanse me of.
Wow, God is so awesome! I thought I was already good, had quit everything I knew how to quit when He told me to repent. He even wants to cleanse our conscience of the guilt and shame that came in from sinning. He loves us so much. He is calling us to repentance so we can be made whole! He knows the very intentions of our heart.
Genesis 3 - Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, has God said, you shall not eat of every tree of the garden? 2 And the woman said unto the serpent, we may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden; 3 but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, you shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.
In genesis 3 you can read how they both ate of the tree and then their eyes were opened and then they knew that they were naked. They heard the voice of God walking in the garden in the cool of the day and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God. And God called Adam and said, "WHERE ARE YOU?" And he said, I heard your voice in the garden, and I WAS AFRAID, BECAUSE I WAS NAKED, AND I HID MYSELF. And he said, WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE NAKED? Have you eaten from the tree that I told you not to eat of?
Still so much more to come. Please follow along with me so we can experience God together! He is doing wonders among His people.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
CHAPTER 2 - MY PEOPLE NEED TO REPENT SO THEY CAN BE RESTORED
Chapter 2
MY PEOPLE NEED TO REPENT SO THEY CAN BE RESTORED
Still living in Phoenix, going to church and praising God for what He has done in our life so far. I was still going to the Weslyan Church down the road and falling in love with Jesus more everyday. The more I fell in love with Him, the more things in my life were changing. I quit smoking, drinking alcohol, going to clubs, ungodly relationships and cussing. I loved God and the people at my church. I started going to a bible study at church called "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby, it was wonderful. God used it in a very powerful way to show me how to follow His Holy Spirit.
All was well, I THOUGHT. Until I heard Gods voice for the first time in my relationship with Him. He said "My people need to repent so they can be restored." I was in awe that I heard His voice. I went all around church telling my friends "you know what God said, He said His people need to repent so they can be restored." Every time I would share it, I would get a response like "well what do I need to repent of?" I had already been saved for 5 years and quit everything I knew how to quit when I heard His voice. So I just kept sharing what I had heard and people at church started treating me badly, even the Pastor made a comment of me being crazy because I am hearing voices. I got such an awesome revelation though as I was in my experiencing God bible study class. It taught that whenever God gets ready to do something, He always reveals to a person or His people what He is going to do. God accomplishes His work through His people. (see Amos 3:7) "Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing His plan to his servants the prophets".
After being greatly misunderstood by my church who I loved so much, I found myself standing up in the congregation while open prayer was going on; and I said "INSTEAD OF ME COMING TO CHURCH WANTING YOU TO FILL MY CUP, I WILL POUR MYSELF OUT FOR YOU." I will never forget that statement, it was the beginning of my life following the Holy Spirit and doing His work. I ended up leaving that church, weeping as I walked home with my daughter; feeling betrayed by my church family. I knew God was changing me to be GOD CENTERED and not people centered. It was hard, but that's what I wanted. I started praying, okay God what's next, where do you want me to go.
At this time, my daughter was attending a preschool at Skyway Church. While I was dropping her off there one morning, I was sharing with another mother and she invited me to her church, an assembly of God church. I felt God leading me to her church and so I went. When I got there, they were having a revival and going even in the evenings to listen to an evangelist speak. After about the third time going, this particular evening I was having bad back cramps and didn't know why. I even had a peculiar passing of which looked like a mucous plug of a woman about to give birth. The Pastor of this Assembly of God Church had gone to the Brownsville Revival in Pensecola Fl. and the evangelist speaking was also from that revival, Steve Hill. While I was seated pretty far in the back of church on the end seat, they showed a film clip from the revival of Alison Ward speaking with John Kilpatrick the Pastor of the Revival (SEE ALISON WARD BROWNSVILLE REVIVAL). She was saying everything God was showing me already. About Gods people not listening to Him. And when she said there is not much time, that Gods heart is grieving for us...I flew out of my chair screaming "praise Jesus" and landed on the floor in a prostrate position wailing and weeping; so loud and so long. I didn't even know my lungs could do that because I had smoked cigarettes for so long. It was so loud, he could not preach, he did an altar call for people to come forward and accept Jesus as Lord. When I got up, the woman next to me said what was that? I said "I don't know, it wasn't me." She said it sounds like travailing. I had never heard that before so when I got home, I looked in my bible and bible dictionary and sure enough, its in many places in Gods word. Matthew 24:4-8 Jesus said Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And you shall hear of wars and rumors of wars; see that you be not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom; and there shall be famines and pestilences and earthquakes, in diverse places. ALL THESE ARE THE BEGINNING OF SORROWS. In the olden days, when a woman was going into labor, they would say she is going into her sorrows. God also gave me Isaiah 54. I love this scripture, He used it to call me out. "Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have born no child; break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not TRAVAILED; For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous than the sons of the married woman," says the Lord. 52:2 "Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your pegs. 3- "For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations, And they will resettle the desolate cities. 4- "Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; Neither feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5- "For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, who is called the God of all the earth. Let those who have ears to hear...HEAR WHAT THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS SAYING!
Still so much more to say. Stay with me. YOU CAN DO THIS ...KINGS OF PEOPLE SHALL COME OUT OF ME. Follow me as I follow our Father God.
MY PEOPLE NEED TO REPENT SO THEY CAN BE RESTORED
Still living in Phoenix, going to church and praising God for what He has done in our life so far. I was still going to the Weslyan Church down the road and falling in love with Jesus more everyday. The more I fell in love with Him, the more things in my life were changing. I quit smoking, drinking alcohol, going to clubs, ungodly relationships and cussing. I loved God and the people at my church. I started going to a bible study at church called "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby, it was wonderful. God used it in a very powerful way to show me how to follow His Holy Spirit.
All was well, I THOUGHT. Until I heard Gods voice for the first time in my relationship with Him. He said "My people need to repent so they can be restored." I was in awe that I heard His voice. I went all around church telling my friends "you know what God said, He said His people need to repent so they can be restored." Every time I would share it, I would get a response like "well what do I need to repent of?" I had already been saved for 5 years and quit everything I knew how to quit when I heard His voice. So I just kept sharing what I had heard and people at church started treating me badly, even the Pastor made a comment of me being crazy because I am hearing voices. I got such an awesome revelation though as I was in my experiencing God bible study class. It taught that whenever God gets ready to do something, He always reveals to a person or His people what He is going to do. God accomplishes His work through His people. (see Amos 3:7) "Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing His plan to his servants the prophets".
After being greatly misunderstood by my church who I loved so much, I found myself standing up in the congregation while open prayer was going on; and I said "INSTEAD OF ME COMING TO CHURCH WANTING YOU TO FILL MY CUP, I WILL POUR MYSELF OUT FOR YOU." I will never forget that statement, it was the beginning of my life following the Holy Spirit and doing His work. I ended up leaving that church, weeping as I walked home with my daughter; feeling betrayed by my church family. I knew God was changing me to be GOD CENTERED and not people centered. It was hard, but that's what I wanted. I started praying, okay God what's next, where do you want me to go.
At this time, my daughter was attending a preschool at Skyway Church. While I was dropping her off there one morning, I was sharing with another mother and she invited me to her church, an assembly of God church. I felt God leading me to her church and so I went. When I got there, they were having a revival and going even in the evenings to listen to an evangelist speak. After about the third time going, this particular evening I was having bad back cramps and didn't know why. I even had a peculiar passing of which looked like a mucous plug of a woman about to give birth. The Pastor of this Assembly of God Church had gone to the Brownsville Revival in Pensecola Fl. and the evangelist speaking was also from that revival, Steve Hill. While I was seated pretty far in the back of church on the end seat, they showed a film clip from the revival of Alison Ward speaking with John Kilpatrick the Pastor of the Revival (SEE ALISON WARD BROWNSVILLE REVIVAL). She was saying everything God was showing me already. About Gods people not listening to Him. And when she said there is not much time, that Gods heart is grieving for us...I flew out of my chair screaming "praise Jesus" and landed on the floor in a prostrate position wailing and weeping; so loud and so long. I didn't even know my lungs could do that because I had smoked cigarettes for so long. It was so loud, he could not preach, he did an altar call for people to come forward and accept Jesus as Lord. When I got up, the woman next to me said what was that? I said "I don't know, it wasn't me." She said it sounds like travailing. I had never heard that before so when I got home, I looked in my bible and bible dictionary and sure enough, its in many places in Gods word. Matthew 24:4-8 Jesus said Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And you shall hear of wars and rumors of wars; see that you be not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom; and there shall be famines and pestilences and earthquakes, in diverse places. ALL THESE ARE THE BEGINNING OF SORROWS. In the olden days, when a woman was going into labor, they would say she is going into her sorrows. God also gave me Isaiah 54. I love this scripture, He used it to call me out. "Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have born no child; break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not TRAVAILED; For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous than the sons of the married woman," says the Lord. 52:2 "Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your pegs. 3- "For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations, And they will resettle the desolate cities. 4- "Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; Neither feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5- "For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, who is called the God of all the earth. Let those who have ears to hear...HEAR WHAT THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS SAYING!
Still so much more to say. Stay with me. YOU CAN DO THIS ...KINGS OF PEOPLE SHALL COME OUT OF ME. Follow me as I follow our Father God.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
CHAPTER 1 - FINDING THE FATHER
Chapter 1 - A HOLE IN YOUR HEART
I am writing this story about myself, Laurie Ann Carlisle; middle child of Billy and Joann Carlisle. My siblings are Lisa three years older sister and Keith three years younger brother. My father was in the United States Army and mom was homemaker and later town clerk for Huachuca City Az for 19 years. My family arrived in Sierra Vista Az in 1974 and my father retired here in 1976.
My first job at age 16 was in a mens' clothing store called Pant Palace. I will never forget it, I loved that job. There was a womens' clothing store right next door and we would take turns going over there and spend all our money. At age 21, I realized that I could not make enough money in this small city to live on my own; so I went in the United States Air Force in 1985. My first duty station was Norton Air Force Base in San Bernardino Ca. After sowing my oats for several years, 26 years old, and still not married; I said to myself "If I don't get married soon, I am just going to have a baby." And not long after that I spotted this very handsome man in the club and we started a relationship. I fell head over heels in love and got pregnant after only about three months of dating. I told him right away I was pregnant and it just seemed we drifted apart with not much in common. He was very much into his art, of which he was very successful selling his many beautiful sculptures.
Well there I was fully pregnant, at work in my uniform, packing life preservers when my supervisor at that time TSgt Frank Clark, was sitting next to me telling me about Jesus. And I in a very sarcastic voice I said "you know what, I am not even listening to you." And he said "okay, no problem." I was raised Catholic (kinda sorta) and all I knew about God or Jesus at that time was how Jesus looked in a picture and how to dip my finger in holy water and put it on my forehead; and kneel down at pew. I was playing poker with some friends when I went into labor. My neighbor friends Debbie Knudsen and her sister inlaw were pregnant also and they were the ones I asked to drive me to the hospital.
After I had my beautiful daughter Amanda, the doctor said before you can even take her home; you have to take her to see a cardiologist because she has a large hole in her heart. A VSD heart murmur. So I did and they told me what to look and watch for warning signs of heart trouble. Wow, I felt so all alone. Like no one knew how I was feeling. Scared, confused and alone. At three months old, Amanda went into congestive heart failure and had to be put on medicines to clear fluid out of her lungs. She then soon became underweight because she wouldn't suck very long before she got real tired. The cardiologist told me that if she doesn't gain weight soon, she has a 90 percent chance of having open heart surgery. Her dad was very kind and helped us with her medical bills.
I felt hopeless and started looking for God. I remembered my supervisor, Frank Clark telling me about Jesus. So I called him and said " I just want to go to church, and I was told Roman Catholic church was the only real church; is that true?" And he said Laurie its something you do in your heart, not in a building." And then he prayed with me on the phone and I asked Jesus in my heart and to be Lord of my life. I got saved in November of 1990. So awesome when I think about it now, how God used my daughter to save me and bring me into a relationship with him. And she NEVER needed the heart surgery. As I kept seeking God, she kept getting better and better! When Frank and I would get a 15 minute break at work, he would read the bible and a little book called My Daily Bread. He is a southern Baptist and he and his wife Linda brought me to church with them. They took me under their wings and mentored me in the Lord for about 3 years until Norton AFB closed and we both got transferred to different stations. It was pretty scarey leaving my friend and mentor. Felt like God let go of my hand. So thankful that they have always kept in touch with me, even till this day. They have been that steady rock in my life, always there and always the same. Love them so much. He has sent me countless books, CDs, literature and gifts. And has always been there to encourage me.
My new station was Luke AFB in Phoenix AZ, we got there in 1993. Amanda had seen her father several times before we left California and I took several pictures of him holding her. But I honestly thought that we would never see him again. I began attending a Weslyan Methodist Church down the street from me and my daughter had several friends in our neighborhood. All was well; I thought. Until one day sometime before Christmas, Amanda asks me for a dad for Christmas. Broke my heart. We had not seen or spoke to her dad since we left California and she was just an infant so I thought she wouldn't even notice him not around. So when I went to church the next time, I asked the women in my group to help me pray that somehow my daughter could have a relationship with her dad. So at this time, I believe she was about 4 1/2 years old. Not long after we prayed at church, a master sergeant at work asked me out to lunch. Not someone I was interested in but I thought it was a free meal anyway. So we were eating at the Sonic when he asked me about my daughters dad. I told him a little bit about him and then he said "I knew him, I grew up with him". So that man went home that evening and must have called her dads family, miles away even, and told them about Amanda. Shortly thereafter, her dad was flying out (in his own private plane) and visiting Amanda. And we made trips to California for her to meet her other grandparents and her half sister. They were all so welcoming and made Amanda feel so special! Her dad has been a part of her life ever since, and even came to Arizona to walk her down the isle when she got married. God is so awesome!
I am writing this story about myself, Laurie Ann Carlisle; middle child of Billy and Joann Carlisle. My siblings are Lisa three years older sister and Keith three years younger brother. My father was in the United States Army and mom was homemaker and later town clerk for Huachuca City Az for 19 years. My family arrived in Sierra Vista Az in 1974 and my father retired here in 1976.
My first job at age 16 was in a mens' clothing store called Pant Palace. I will never forget it, I loved that job. There was a womens' clothing store right next door and we would take turns going over there and spend all our money. At age 21, I realized that I could not make enough money in this small city to live on my own; so I went in the United States Air Force in 1985. My first duty station was Norton Air Force Base in San Bernardino Ca. After sowing my oats for several years, 26 years old, and still not married; I said to myself "If I don't get married soon, I am just going to have a baby." And not long after that I spotted this very handsome man in the club and we started a relationship. I fell head over heels in love and got pregnant after only about three months of dating. I told him right away I was pregnant and it just seemed we drifted apart with not much in common. He was very much into his art, of which he was very successful selling his many beautiful sculptures.
Well there I was fully pregnant, at work in my uniform, packing life preservers when my supervisor at that time TSgt Frank Clark, was sitting next to me telling me about Jesus. And I in a very sarcastic voice I said "you know what, I am not even listening to you." And he said "okay, no problem." I was raised Catholic (kinda sorta) and all I knew about God or Jesus at that time was how Jesus looked in a picture and how to dip my finger in holy water and put it on my forehead; and kneel down at pew. I was playing poker with some friends when I went into labor. My neighbor friends Debbie Knudsen and her sister inlaw were pregnant also and they were the ones I asked to drive me to the hospital.
After I had my beautiful daughter Amanda, the doctor said before you can even take her home; you have to take her to see a cardiologist because she has a large hole in her heart. A VSD heart murmur. So I did and they told me what to look and watch for warning signs of heart trouble. Wow, I felt so all alone. Like no one knew how I was feeling. Scared, confused and alone. At three months old, Amanda went into congestive heart failure and had to be put on medicines to clear fluid out of her lungs. She then soon became underweight because she wouldn't suck very long before she got real tired. The cardiologist told me that if she doesn't gain weight soon, she has a 90 percent chance of having open heart surgery. Her dad was very kind and helped us with her medical bills.
I felt hopeless and started looking for God. I remembered my supervisor, Frank Clark telling me about Jesus. So I called him and said " I just want to go to church, and I was told Roman Catholic church was the only real church; is that true?" And he said Laurie its something you do in your heart, not in a building." And then he prayed with me on the phone and I asked Jesus in my heart and to be Lord of my life. I got saved in November of 1990. So awesome when I think about it now, how God used my daughter to save me and bring me into a relationship with him. And she NEVER needed the heart surgery. As I kept seeking God, she kept getting better and better! When Frank and I would get a 15 minute break at work, he would read the bible and a little book called My Daily Bread. He is a southern Baptist and he and his wife Linda brought me to church with them. They took me under their wings and mentored me in the Lord for about 3 years until Norton AFB closed and we both got transferred to different stations. It was pretty scarey leaving my friend and mentor. Felt like God let go of my hand. So thankful that they have always kept in touch with me, even till this day. They have been that steady rock in my life, always there and always the same. Love them so much. He has sent me countless books, CDs, literature and gifts. And has always been there to encourage me.
My new station was Luke AFB in Phoenix AZ, we got there in 1993. Amanda had seen her father several times before we left California and I took several pictures of him holding her. But I honestly thought that we would never see him again. I began attending a Weslyan Methodist Church down the street from me and my daughter had several friends in our neighborhood. All was well; I thought. Until one day sometime before Christmas, Amanda asks me for a dad for Christmas. Broke my heart. We had not seen or spoke to her dad since we left California and she was just an infant so I thought she wouldn't even notice him not around. So when I went to church the next time, I asked the women in my group to help me pray that somehow my daughter could have a relationship with her dad. So at this time, I believe she was about 4 1/2 years old. Not long after we prayed at church, a master sergeant at work asked me out to lunch. Not someone I was interested in but I thought it was a free meal anyway. So we were eating at the Sonic when he asked me about my daughters dad. I told him a little bit about him and then he said "I knew him, I grew up with him". So that man went home that evening and must have called her dads family, miles away even, and told them about Amanda. Shortly thereafter, her dad was flying out (in his own private plane) and visiting Amanda. And we made trips to California for her to meet her other grandparents and her half sister. They were all so welcoming and made Amanda feel so special! Her dad has been a part of her life ever since, and even came to Arizona to walk her down the isle when she got married. God is so awesome!
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