CHAPTER 6 - POURING MYSELF OUT

CHAPTER 6 -  POURING MYSELF OUT         Spring of 1996 Luke AFB Phx Az

   I can still recall that right before I started selling everything, when God was showing me how to love; my mom and dad came to visit my daughter and I in Phoenix for the weekend.  Well just as they had unloaded everything to stay, my dad tried to start a fight immediately (as he has always done in the past, he always instigated and provoked a fight).  He was sitting on my couch and said "Laurie, I want to know why every time  we get together that there is a fight?"  And I sat next to him and put my arm around him and said "I don't know dad, I'm just going to love you no matter what."  And they both got very angry and cussing saying what the ___ have we ever done to you!  And what kind of religion would turn you away from your family.  And I was staying calm, and saying "I'm just going to love you."  They were so mad that I did not react the way I always have.  My dads eyes looked blood red as they packed their things still cussing at me and left.  It proved to me that this was a spiritual battle and I had to depend on God to lead me, because what just happened made no sense to me.  What they actually said to me by those actions, was choose us and strife and bitterness and fighting; or choose God and love.  Wow, so all of a sudden I started to understand just a little taste of what Jesus had to endure to save us.   God had also put in my hands a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend; when to say yes and when to say no.  This book helped me grow up and take control of my life.
   While I was yet selling and giving away everything, I was prayer walking one morning and God said go to the house that had the deliverance bible study.  The one that I showed you she was operating in the spirit of Jezebel.  Oh my goodness!  So here I am ringing her door bell and don't even know what I'm going to say or why I'm there.   I'm saying to myself, "why am I here, why am I here?"  And she answers the door.  I say "Hi there, I was taking a walk and just wanted to stop and talk."  She was abrupt with me and said "hold on"; and left me outside for several minutes.  I'm pacing, saying "what am I doing here, what am I doing here?"  And then she says "come in."  She leaves me standing by door inside for several minutes again.  She comes back and says come back here, she brings me to the messiest room in the house.  A very cluttered office room.  So I sit down and say "well I'm not sure why I'm here; I will just tell you what God has been showing me.  I said, each time I came to your bible study at your house, you would do something that I was not used to seeing; and I would go home and ask God what was that, was that you?"  And He would show me in my bible and bible dictionary about the spirit of Jezebel.  And she jumps up and says loudly "do you know what your saying,  you are going to have to tell the Pastor about this."  And I said "Okay."  About a week goes by and then I get a phone call setting up a meeting with Pastor at church.  I get there and she is already in his office.  The Pastor does not pray with us, he forcefully says to me in front of her; "so what are these accusations against my lay pastor?"  And I told him exactly the same thing I told her and he said "who is showing you this?"  And I said "the Holy Spirit", and he says "ah fooey!"  And I also said that I bought the tapes from when his guest speaker came and taught on the Spirit of Jezebel.  He was writing the whole time I was talking and when I asked for a copy of his notes, he  said "no".  He then said "You need to apologize to my lay pastor or you cannot come back to this church."  And I said "no sir, I can't do that."  So he escorts me to the door, and still was not going to pray; so I stopped and prayed out loud for God to help us love each other. 
   So at this point, I only had a folding picnic table, and a couple folding patio chairs in my house.  My mom and dad have made me choose them or God.  And now the church that I thought was going  to help me move on in the destiny God had for me, has kicked me out.  They had an elderly man they called a senior pastor at that church who gave me a teaching paper about a week before I got kicked out.  He called me wanting his paper back.  And I said "oh I cant bring it to you, didn't you hear that I cant come back there."  And he said that he had not heard.  So I said "well if you would like to come tomorrow and prayer walk with me, I'll give it to you then."  I guess I was still hanging on to a thread of hope that someone from the church was going to help me.  So the next day he shows up and we walk and pray.  Afterward, he wants to come in for a drink of water.  While I'm getting some ice out of the refrigerator, he said, "I want to take a shower and have you wash my back."  And I was shocked, caught me so much off guard!  I said "oh no, no, no!"  And he went to my bathroom and took a shower.  I was pacing the floor the whole time he was in there praying that God would convict him.    When he was done, he practically ran out of my house!  About a week later, he called me and asked for my forgiveness, and I forgave him.  Wow, that is rare that someone does come back and ask for your forgiveness!
   The same church where God was using people to help me and deliver me, was also the same church God taught me about the spirit of Jezebel and how they were spreading fear because they were devil centered and not God centered.  And I learned about that wolf in sheep clothes, that I need to be more on guard.  I still love all of those people, will never forget them.  Miracles happened to me there. 
   By faith, I followed God every step of the way.  I knew that I knew that I was hearing Him and following Him.  And now I am at a place that I have given up everything to follow Him and don't even know where I'm going next.  And I still have faith!!!  He is in control of it all!
   Hebrews 11:8 - By faith Abraham when he was called to go out into a place which he should  receive for an inheritance, obeyed and he went out, NOT KNOWING WHERE HE WAS GOING.  11:10 - For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose BUILDER AND MAKER IS GOD.
   An intimate relationship and following after Gods will for my life costed me everything.