CHAPTER 4 - I WANT TO LOVE THE WAY JESUS LOVES

CHAPTER 4  - I WANT TO LOVE THE WAY JESUS LOVES       scroll down for chapter 1-3

    At this point in my walk with the Holy Spirit of the Living God, I was finding out that Christians can be oppressed by demons.  So I was praying that Gods anointing would come and break off every chain on me.   I had learned that my daughters grandpa was a Pastor and her grandmas ministry was deliverance.  And she had mailed me a little bit of literature about demonic oppression.  So a little bit at a time God was teaching me how to be set free.  I had Christian television on my T.V all the time,  watching a lot of  World Harvest Church at this time.  Supernatural things started to happen to me; for example, while in my house I could see something moving out of the corner of my eye, like a small dark image; and every time I would turn to look at it, it would run.  My daughter was only 5, I didn't want to scare her, so I didn't tell her about it.  But one Saturday morning, she woke up before me and I said let me lay here for a while go play in your room.  A few minutes later, she came back kind of skipping and jumped in bed.  While looking at her toy she says "mommy, I keep seeing something and every time I try to look at it , it runs away."  Well the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I knew it was a spirit now.  It didn't do anything to me except scare me, so I just kept casting out the spirit of fear.  And after a while I did not see it any more.
   I had heard of a woman at church that had a ministry in deliverance so I started going to her bible studies at night at her house.  She immediately laid her hands on me when I walked in and she prophesied over me.  As she did to everyone else.  I had never experienced that before, but I was willing to stay and see what God was doing.  The next time I went, she prophesied over a married couple and told them that they were going to get to know the devil real well...oh real well!  I was new to all this supernatural stuff but what she was doing seemed to be different from everything else God was doing in my life.  Another time I went and we were raising our hands in a circle with worship music on praising God, when she abruptly and loudly started yelling at the devil to leave and get out. 
   Several times after going to her house, I would go home and ask God "what was that, was that you?"  And He was showing me all about the spirit of Jezebel.  Several times in row I asked Him "what was that, was that you?"  And same thing, He just kept showing me about Jezebel.  I started to write more about what she was doing, but I do not want to give you fear, like she was doing to those people.  Just know that this spirit of Jezebel is manipulating, dominating, and intimidating.  It is witchcraft!  And God hates witchcraft!   As the Elijah generation is raised up in power to restore all things before the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Jezebel spirit will and is raising her ugly head in opposition.  Just as Elijah had to overcome her we will have to do the same.  She is the false prophet who causes a big scene as soon as the real King is brought out.  She tears her clothes and screams "treason, treason, you are the false king."  She hates the true prophets of God who can spot her a mile away.  She is relentless and ruthless in trying to kill all of Gods prophets.  Read book by Steve Sampson called "Confronting Jezebel -Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control."
   At this time, I was praying that I wanted to love, to love the way Jesus loves,  I remember going to the altar several times asking this lay pastor to help me pray that I can love the way Jesus loves.  And he prayed "God love her."  And I thought that's not what I asked him to pray.  He would say that every time I asked him to help me pray.  I liked this lay pastor, he started teaching a class in the mornings before church started.  It was on child abuse.  While attending his class he taught about the different kinds of child abuse.  One thing he said was that emotional abuse was child abuse, and I immediately felt liberated to know that some one else knew what I had been feeling for years.  I knew I was abused but I couldn't prove it or knew what to call it.  He also taught on generational curses, and how we can pass these things on to our children and their children.  So I started praying, "Lord please don't let me pass on any generational curses to my daughter and show me how to be a good mommy." 
   Now I learn that some one else at church is having a bible study at their house.  So I start going on Wednesday nights.  This particular Wednesday night, I was saying goodbye almost out the door, when my daughter, 5 at the time, was tugging on my shirt.  She said "mommy tell them you need prayer" and I said what for honey?  And she didn't answer me.  So I continue to say bye and she tugs on my shirt again "mommy, tell them you need prayer."  And again I ask, what for honey?  Still no answer.  So I tell them my daughter says I need prayer, and the only thing I can think of is I've been praying that I don't throw any generational curses on her.  So they gather around me and lay hands on me and pray.  And then we went home. I just want to make sure everyone knows that my daughter was always a good little girl, no tantrums or violent behavior.   After we got home, I started to do the dishes and Amanda sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and said "mommy, I want a miracle."  I said, you do?  well just ask God!  He can do it."  And she says again, in a more demanding voice, I want a miracle!  And I said well tell me what you want and I will help you pray.  Still she wont tell me, so I keep washing dishes.  Next time she says it she was getting angry.  And I turned and said cut it out, it was 9:00 at night so I thought she was just cranky and tired.  I continue doing dishes and I turned back and she was not there.  So I went in the living room looking for her and she was curled up in a ball in a corner shaking.   I said "what's wrong come here" and she screams at me and says "no, get away!"  And I said" honey, what did I  do, you have to tell mommy so I can say sorry."  And I bent down to pick her up and she screams no get away and her face turns flush; so I backed away from her.  At this point, I start pacing the floor praying, "God what is going on, what did I do?'  And she gets up and says "you don't love me, I'm running away" and she tries to run out of the house at 9:00 at night.  I catch her and hold on to her while she is kicking me and trying to bite me.  My daughter has never acted out like this ever!  So I put her down and she looks at me with these eyes that I have never seen before and says "I'm lonely."  The hair on the back of my neck stood up and then I knew that this was a spiritual battle!  I knew it because even if my daughter was lonely, she wouldn't know what to call it.  So I'm trying to remember everything the Holy Spirit has been teaching about demons.  And I'm trying to remember everything that was manifesting through her while she was acting out.  So without yelling at her, I just said, "IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I COMMAND THAT SPIRIT OF ANGER TO LEAVE YOU, GET OUT."  And just like you would see in a movie, she holds her ears and screams no!  And I just kept casting out in the NAME OF JESUS, I command the spirits of anger, fear, rejection and lonliness to leave get out!  And she fell down weeping and I lay down with her and cried.  We knew we had just been through something very spiritual!
   Praise God!  He hears our prayers and the very intentions of our heart.  I want to love the way Jesus loves, and to be a good mommy and to not pass on any generational curses to my daughter.  And He set us free!!!  And as I learned to trust Him, I allowed Him to LOVE ME FIRST...So I could love...the way He loves.  He had to show me how, by first RECEIVING HIS LOVE.
   Open your heart and let Him come in, to LOVE YOU...SO YOU CAN LOVE!!